Barnzedbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, astonishing gnu.

Barnzedbaf created a quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnzedbaf, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Barnzedbaf, she will turn you into a rock.

Barnzedbaf's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Barnzedbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine gulls approach from the east.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not drink alcohol.