Bitcedgen is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, dishonourable troll.

Bitcedgen created Asia two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitcedgen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bitcedgen, she will not care.

Bitcedgen's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Bitcedgen's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Bitcedgen loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

3. Never run in the presence of tortoises.

4. Worship no other gods but Bitcedgen.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.