Fenfadhuglapkam is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, self-assured alligator.

Fenfadhuglapkam created Africa eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fenfadhuglapkam, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fenfadhuglapkam, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Fenfadhuglapkam's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Fenfadhuglapkam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never paint your neck fawn.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. You must never eat tomatoes.