Nuttomtlig is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, staggering alligator.

Nuttomtlig created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nuttomtlig, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nuttomtlig, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Nuttomtlig's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Nuttomtlig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat rice.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never wear magenta tights.