Lopvanmon is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, humane frog.

Lopvanmon created the Sun three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopvanmon, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lopvanmon, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Lopvanmon's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Lopvanmon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. You must pray to Lopvanmon three times a day.

3. Always look after injured geese.

4. Hide from blue sharks for they are unholy.

5. Never write about cell theory.