Dobtalhog is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, dishonourable jaguar.

Dobtalhog created the Sombrero Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Dobtalhog, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dobtalhog, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dobtalhog's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Dobtalhog's Holy Commandments

1. Dobtalhog loves snails, so they must be honoured.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Dobtalhog must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Always help badgers in need.