Benranstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, generous tapir.

Benranstaf created Africa six million years ago.

If you believe in Benranstaf, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Benranstaf, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Benranstaf's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Benranstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear boots.

2. Benranstaf loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.
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