Sisyarxin is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, omnipotent narwhal.

Sisyarxin created the Sol system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Sisyarxin, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Sisyarxin, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Sisyarxin's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Sisyarxin's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms black.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.