Zetflapzak is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, loving cat.

Zetflapzak created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zetflapzak, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Zetflapzak, she will turn you into a snail.

Zetflapzak's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Zetflapzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

3. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

4. Zetflapzak must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Hide if four geese approach from the west.