Lamgomzib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient jaguar.

Lamgomzib created the planet Saturn four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamgomzib, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lamgomzib, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Lamgomzib's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Lamgomzib's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

2. Always obey Lamgomzib's priests.

3. You must love Lamgomzib.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Retreat if six turtles approach from the north.