Homwabstan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, all-powerful cow.

Homwabstan created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Homwabstan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Homwabstan, she will remove you from existence.

Homwabstan's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Homwabstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Hide from indigo grasshopers for they are unholy.

3. Retreat if seven snakes approach from the south.

4. Never eat coconuts.

5. Always pray immersed in water.