Zenwatcar is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, ill-tempered aardvark.

Zenwatcar created the Sol system six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zenwatcar, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zenwatcar, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Zenwatcar's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Zenwatcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

3. Run away from fawn grasshopers, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink water in red rooms.

5. Hide from turquoise geese for they are unholy.