Tabcappodladpad is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, vain wyrm.

Tabcappodladpad created snails seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabcappodladpad, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tabcappodladpad, he will turn you into a snail.

Tabcappodladpad's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tabcappodladpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Do not wear orange clothing.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not chop down trees.