Flapveentif is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, awe-inspiring pigeon.

Flapveentif created silver eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapveentif, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flapveentif, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flapveentif's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Flapveentif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Always help sick shrews.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.