Jopsignak is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, merciless parrot.

Jopsignak created parasitic wasps three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopsignak, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jopsignak, he will try to impress you with trees.

Jopsignak's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Jopsignak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never feed parsnips to bats while wearing violet kilts.

3. Erect eight copper sculptures of Jopsignak on top of important buildings.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always help aardvarks.