Vilhimsin Bastgesstun is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, overgenerous zebra.

Vilhimsin Bastgesstun created a photon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vilhimsin Bastgesstun, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vilhimsin Bastgesstun, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Vilhimsin Bastgesstun's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Vilhimsin Bastgesstun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Do not take Vilhimsin Bastgesstun's name in vain.

3. Vilhimsin Bastgesstun loves otters, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.