Wanquatsog is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, tranquil mongoose.

Wanquatsog created life four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wanquatsog, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Wanquatsog, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Wanquatsog's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Wanquatsog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not chop down trees.