Kembitraw Pak is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, ruthless hamster.

Kembitraw Pak created the planet Earth two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kembitraw Pak, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kembitraw Pak, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Kembitraw Pak's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Kembitraw Pak's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Always pray immersed in water.