Bastlinmet is a god.
She takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid owl.
Bastlinmet created humankind two trillion years ago.
If you believe in Bastlinmet, she will make you immortal.
If you do not believe in Bastlinmet, she will be mildly annoyed.
Bastlinmet's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.
Bastlinmet's Holy Commandments1. Never wear red corsets.
2. Always help aardvarks.
3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bastlinmet.
4. Never wear rings.
5. Do not shave your back.