Natquarttonk is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, awe-inspiring newt.

Natquarttonk created dark matter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Natquarttonk, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Natquarttonk, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Natquarttonk's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Natquarttonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never sing near badgers.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not drink alcohol.
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