Tompidcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unjust otter.

Tompidcuss created a bottom quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tompidcuss, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tompidcuss, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tompidcuss' most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Tompidcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

4. Always help sick tapirs.

5. Respect your elders.
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