Sattenmap Dumcamquill is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, all-knowing goat.

Sattenmap Dumcamquill created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Sattenmap Dumcamquill, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Sattenmap Dumcamquill, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Sattenmap Dumcamquill's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Sattenmap Dumcamquill's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

2. Always treat turtles with great respect.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always stare at clouds.