Hivtailfoss is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, competent squid.

Hivtailfoss created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Hivtailfoss, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hivtailfoss, she will destroy your home planet.

Hivtailfoss' most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hivtailfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

3. Put Hivtailfoss first in all things.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Retreat if nine sharks approach from the west.
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