Gonarpnell Tamkabmit is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, clever turtle.

Gonarpnell Tamkabmit created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonarpnell Tamkabmit, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gonarpnell Tamkabmit, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gonarpnell Tamkabmit's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Gonarpnell Tamkabmit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

2. Erect eight gold sculptures of Gonarpnell Tamkabmit on top of important buildings.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not kill gulls.

5. Never talk about moons.