Jamlarpkap is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awesome guinea pig.

Jamlarpkap created a strange quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamlarpkap, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jamlarpkap, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Jamlarpkap's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Jamlarpkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.