Laktampak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, overgenerous grasshopper.

Laktampak created the Large Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Laktampak, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Laktampak, he will destroy your home solar system.

Laktampak's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Laktampak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.

5. Do not kill swans.
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