Yarttennulquillman is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent cow.

Yarttennulquillman created oxygen seven million years ago.

If you believe in Yarttennulquillman, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Yarttennulquillman, it will try to impress you with trees.

Yarttennulquillman's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Yarttennulquillman's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never mention capybaras.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not hurt turtles.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.