Wikvolhiv is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, dishonest weasel.

Wikvolhiv created a charm quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wikvolhiv, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wikvolhiv, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Wikvolhiv's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Wikvolhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to badgers while wearing orange tights.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never think ill of sick goats.

4. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never look in ponds.