Vonkbellteen Henfonvon is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, deceitful bat.

Vonkbellteen Henfonvon created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkbellteen Henfonvon, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vonkbellteen Henfonvon, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Vonkbellteen Henfonvon's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Vonkbellteen Henfonvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never go into green rooms.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Vonkbellteen Henfonvon loves shrews, so they must be honoured.