Quartsatwondot is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, thoughtless newt.

Quartsatwondot created an up quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartsatwondot, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quartsatwondot, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Quartsatwondot's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Quartsatwondot's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Retreat if nine grasshopers approach from the south.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not commit murder.