Jatpomtig is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, sapient meerkat.

Jatpomtig created an atom nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatpomtig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jatpomtig, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Jatpomtig's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Jatpomtig's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Jatpomtig.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

5. Pray towards the west.