Ontomtsak is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, slow ant.

Ontomtsak created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontomtsak, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Ontomtsak, she will refuse to believe in you.

Ontomtsak's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Ontomtsak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never talk about sharks.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Ontomtsak loves tapirs, so they must be respected.