Dapquimfitnurfut is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, wise walrus.

Dapquimfitnurfut created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapquimfitnurfut, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dapquimfitnurfut, she will not care.

Dapquimfitnurfut's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Dapquimfitnurfut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

5. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.