Gutcettailwik is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, smart cobra.

Gutcettailwik created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gutcettailwik, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gutcettailwik, she will laugh at you.

Gutcettailwik's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Gutcettailwik's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Always obey Gutcettailwik's priests.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.