Kaplincar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, effective aardvark.

Kaplincar created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kaplincar, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Kaplincar, it will not care at all.

Kaplincar's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Kaplincar's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry frogs.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Erect five tin sculptures of Kaplincar on top of important buildings.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.