Sandpogkik is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, merciless hippopotamus.

Sandpogkik created light eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sandpogkik, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sandpogkik, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Sandpogkik's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Sandpogkik's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat wheat.

2. Do not kill pigs.

3. Never look at nebulae.

4. Run away from green monkeys, for they are unholy.

5. Always help grasshopers.