Batcenmifrip is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, witty unicorn.

Batcenmifrip created snails nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batcenmifrip, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Batcenmifrip, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Batcenmifrip's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Batcenmifrip's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six otters approach from the east.

2. Batcenmifrip must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never feed figs to frogs while wearing turquoise corsets.