Cipwighak is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, kind tapir.

Cipwighak created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cipwighak, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cipwighak, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cipwighak's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Cipwighak's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Cipwighak.

4. Always wear purple.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.