Femjenjan is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, boastful owl.

Femjenjan created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Femjenjan, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Femjenjan, it will turn you into a tree.

Femjenjan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Femjenjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat corn.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never paint your face mauve.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.