Bifnakbiss Flycimsis Latdancep is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, merciful dugong.

Bifnakbiss Flycimsis Latdancep created everything that exists four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bifnakbiss Flycimsis Latdancep, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bifnakbiss Flycimsis Latdancep, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bifnakbiss Flycimsis Latdancep's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Bifnakbiss Flycimsis Latdancep's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat cherries.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always help sick monkeys.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Run away from purple doves, for they are unholy.