Bedbinsatnakquam is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, irritating dog.

Bedbinsatnakquam created the Virgo Supercluster seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bedbinsatnakquam, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bedbinsatnakquam, she will turn you into a puffin.

Bedbinsatnakquam's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Bedbinsatnakquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat pineapples.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Worship no other gods but Bedbinsatnakquam.

4. Feed all hungry cats.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.