Bettallop is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, annoying dove.

Bettallop created the planet Earth two million years ago.

If you believe in Bettallop, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bettallop, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Bettallop's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Bettallop's Holy Commandments

1. Shrews are not to be trusted.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never write about planets.