Saghimkad Cipstaffad Piggumvol is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, tiresome weasel.

Saghimkad Cipstaffad Piggumvol created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Saghimkad Cipstaffad Piggumvol, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Saghimkad Cipstaffad Piggumvol, she will turn you into a snail.

Saghimkad Cipstaffad Piggumvol's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Saghimkad Cipstaffad Piggumvol's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Saghimkad Cipstaffad Piggumvol nine times a day.

2. Never eat beans.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never paint your face orange.

5. Do not cook food in pots.