Ladyikquagtanyatt is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, irritating armadillo.

Ladyikquagtanyatt created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladyikquagtanyatt, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ladyikquagtanyatt, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Ladyikquagtanyatt's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Ladyikquagtanyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine grasshopers approach from the east.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Ladyikquagtanyatt must be the most important thing in your life.