Hatyak is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, moody snail.

Hatyak created silver eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatyak, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hatyak, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Hatyak's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Hatyak's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always help porpoises in need.

4. Never eat figs.

5. Never laugh in holy places.