Tarpyartnat is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, idiotic goblin.

Tarpyartnat created energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpyartnat, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarpyartnat, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Tarpyartnat's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Tarpyartnat's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Tarpyartnat on top of all buildings.

4. Put Tarpyartnat first in all things.

5. Do not kill capybaras.