Jarnarpstig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, irritating toad.

Jarnarpstig created a top quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnarpstig, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnarpstig, she will turn you into a tree.

Jarnarpstig's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Jarnarpstig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnarpstig.

2. Do not eat gooseberries.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.