Tarlarpmot is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, stupid finch.

Tarlarpmot created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarlarpmot, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Tarlarpmot, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tarlarpmot's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tarlarpmot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never feed aubergines to birds while wearing blue coats.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Run away from black nematodes, for they are unholy.