Loopwadjig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient centipede.

Loopwadjig created dark energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopwadjig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Loopwadjig, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Loopwadjig's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Loopwadjig's Holy Commandments

1. Put Loopwadjig first in all things.

2. Never eat gooseberries.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Run away from blue great tits, for they are unholy.

5. Do not eat limes.