Lipgumfab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, uncaring snail.

Lipgumfab created matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lipgumfab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lipgumfab, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Lipgumfab's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Lipgumfab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Erect eight lead sculptures of Lipgumfab on top of important buildings.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not make images of living things.